Wine, Pregnancy, and the Word “No”

(originally written 2/2/2018)

Introduction

Pregnancy involved a lot of being told “no.”

If you know me at all, you know how well I take someone telling me what to do – never mind someone telling me what not to do (GOD I LOVE IT).

A Few Examples

Loud noises? No.

Work out? Only if you’re, like, walking, and your heart rate doesn’t go above a certain point, and you avoid too much bouncing, or impact, or… just walk, ok? That should be fine. Make sure the weights aren’t too heavy, either, because… you know… I mean, you know…

Get high? Absolutely not, take these man-made drugs instead (all-hail pharmaceuticals!)

Drink wine? DO YOU WANT YOUR BABY TO COME OUT WITH TWO HEADS? No, no, no! We don’t have any research to back what we’re saying. No.

Smile? Might harm the baby… you know, you could.. uh… tear a muscle.

Have sex? Yeah, sure… have sex, if it’s not weird for the both of you to look at your BULGING BELLY the whole time. Just hope the baby doesn’t decide to kick your stomach in the middle of the one moment you can actually imagine the entire situation not being awkward.

Sleep? Definitely. Might as well sleep for nine months, because you can’t really do anything else, and you won’t ever sleep again, so… yes. Do that, and only that.

Ok, so pregnancy wasn’t THAT bad (I’d hope you figured that out from my overly-dramatic examples)… but it was a lot of modifying life, which wasn’t exactly something I had “signed up” for, and wasn’t exactly something I was willing to completely change at the drop of a urine sample.

Getting to the Point

No doubt there’s some judgmental, hot-shot mom out there, or hot-shot someone, who has nothing better to do, who feels like it’s her “duty” to meddle and ruin someone’s life, who might be reading this.

So I won’t tell you if I partook in some low-dose edibles a time or two while I was pregnant. I won’t tell you about the severe anxiety attacks I might have had, the possible nightly breakdowns, and my absolutely real refusal to put “safe” pharmaceuticals into my body to “fix” those emotions. I won’t tell you edibles could have very-well been my (and Cheeky, Jr’s) saving grace when considering health, because every person (who’s ever been severely stressed) knows what stress can do to your body, and every mama (I hope) knows what, in turn, the effects of stress can do to an unborn child.

Readers who haven’t realized everything I do and every decision I make (personally and professionally) REVOLVES around the well-being and positive upbringing of Cheeky, Jr., should just go on to another blog – because you clearly don’t understand anything about me, what I do, or why I do it.

Actually to the Point

(Thanks for hanging on, guys)

I WILL tell you: after extensive Google research on ‘moderately drinking while pregnant,’ I had one glass of wine, once a week, throughout my pregnancy (call DHS, bish).

I WILL tell you: Cheeky, Jr. is perfect (other than being relatively short for his age) at every check-up. His development is on par with other kids, he is sweet and he is loving, and there is nothing physically wrong with him, either (in fact, we have been complimented on his impeccable coordination skills – not that I’m bragging). To prove my point, I’ve added a super adorable video at the bottom of this post (you’re welcome).

I WILL tell you: IDGAF what anyone’s opinion is about my mothering decisions. I refuse to feel guilty because someone disagrees with my methods of coping, of staying healthy, and of taking care of ME so I can take care of the most important thing (CJ, duh).

Also, what mom who got “oopsies” pregnant, and actively drinks in her unpregnant life, was actually sober the entire first trimester (before you realized you were pregnant)?

(p.s: I don’t know the actual term for unpregnant…)

I’d bet a solid 85% would say they consumed a pretty good amount of alcohol, and of the 15% who would say they didn’t – 9% are lying.

And yet, if you’re a semi-responsible human, how is your baby now? Pretty average, right?

Yep.

Thank you.

America: Home of the Brave, Land of the Free (to be Sued)

American practices are so caught up in being “liable,” no shit they’re going to tell you to stay away from alcohol while you’re pregnant. There’s limited studies on the subject, and if a doctor tells the wrong person that she can moderately drink while cooking up a babe, the next thing the doc knows, there’s a kid with alcohol syndrome on his/her hands. The practice this person worked tirelessly (not to mention the debt from years and years of school) is fucked with a law suit. I honestly don’t blame doctors on this regard, I’d be the same (but I’m not a doctor, so… here I am, talking about things like drinking while pregnant… sue me.) (just kidding, don’t sue me, please).

So, looking at other countries who are more open to alcohol, we can see that humans are still fully functioning products of society (imagine that), even if their parents probably drank some booze while they were pregnant.

Some (skimmed-through, probably not 100% accurate) Research Findings

(Honestly, people, I give you the links if you really care enough…)

Research Finding Numero Uno:

Here’s a boring, fairly recent British study I found (indirectly through a NY Daily News article), which talks about the balance of 10 year olds (balancing is apparently an important developmental capability) in relation to mothers who drank moderately (approximately two glasses of wine A DAY), who didn’t drink at all, and who admitted to binge drinking (four or more glasses A DAY) at least once while pregnant (I mean, like I said though… who didn’t binge drink, at least once, before they actually knew they were pregnant?).

What’s weird is the boys whose mothers didn’t drink at all, and those who drank moderately (again, they consider this up to two glasses A DAY, people), actually performed lower (didn’t balance on a beam as well…) than those whose parents admitted to binge drinking at least once while pregnant.

Obviously there are some limitations to this study – like the inability to reproduce the same outcome twice in the 10 year olds (a common set-back) – but it was still quite a large group of boys, and the outcome is still what it is.

Research Finding Numero Dos:

The same research group conducted another study, and the main developmental delay they were studying in children of mothers who drank while pregnant was the child’s puberty. Kids whose moms drank while pregnant hit puberty just a little bit later (like, by months – not years, not never – months) than those whose moms didn’t.

Now, is that really such a bad thing?

(So… What are you Saying?)

I’m just saying, guys…be responsible. If you’re like me, and all of your friends are still in the “go to the bar Friday and Saturday, and possibly Wednesday and Thursday” phase while you’re pregnant, and you just want a glass of wine on a Friday night, then DO IT. But then chill with a ginger beer, you know?

The Moral: 

To those mamas feeling trapped, overwhelmed, and scared

If you find yourself knocked up and feeling locked up, you don’t have to take a 180 on your life immediately. Just be responsible with what you’re doing (no mixed drinks, no high-point beer, no downing a bottle of wine), and live your life. Take (responsible) baby steps in altering your lifestyle. Big change is coming, and you’ll be less likely to feel all that shock (and honestly grievance) for your past life (which you realize soon enough wasn’t even that great) if you do the best you can to stick with your social, emotional, and physical healthy routine (and if that means a glass of wine once a week with your friends, then fuck it – if that’s what makes you feel good. Because when you feel good, your baby feels good, and when your baby feels good, s/he grows and develops and becomes awesome).

DISCLAIMER: This post is merely for entertainment purposes only. Don’t take any of the advice mentioned here, but definitely consider it (there’s a difference…)

Thanks!

(To end your beautiful Friyay’s blog post, here’s a video of Cheeky, Jr. and Papa Cheeks playing some good old fashioned soccer in our living room. As you can see, CJ is normal on all counts. Enjoy!)

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