P Stands for Parenting. And Poop.

(original post written 10/12/2017)

Oh, poop.

Poop, poop, poop.

Whether you use disposables or cloth, every parent is going to deal with the joys of poop. I dare you to find one active parent that has never dealt with some serious blowouts.

…And then bring them to my house so they can be initiated, because that shit just ain’t fair.

So, if you’re “that parent” who “doesn’t know” about these poop situations, they entail the following (but are by no means limited to):

  1. poop outside the diaper (Like, what good are diapers if they don’t hold all the poop, though?)
  2. poop on your baby’s sheets (No avoiding this one)
  3. poop on your sheets (the REAL problem with co-sleeping)
  4. poop on all of the clothes (not just your baby’s clothes. No, no, my friend – all. of. the. clothes.)
  5. poop in your hair (please tell me I’m not the only one…)
  6. poop on your friends’ parents’ kitchen floor (…. Okay, maybe this one is just me)

The list goes on.

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you might deal with 10-12 poopy diapers in one day. HOW FUN!

But don’t worry, there’s a trick to making your cloth diaper experience EASY with a poopy mess (and keeping disposable diapers trash of the past in the meantime)!

…And so we move onto a little story about Cheeky, Jr. and The Poo.

Early Morning Poopscapades

img-1834.jpg

Poor Cheeky, Jr. had a stomach bug last week (see insanely adorable, yet incredibly sad, picture above), and poor me had to deal with the mess (go parenthood!).

It all started on a brisk Thursday morning, at approximately 4:45 AM. The sun was still sleeping, along with every sane human in our time zone. Cheeky, Jr. had been whining, waking up, and tossing around my bed all night (yeah, we co-sleep sometimes, get at me!).

Among the many places Cheeky, Jr. found himself, the last place was on top of me. I usually find this pretty darn cute (for about 5 minutes until I actually want to sleep), so I let him lie there and settle down for a minute, before I figured I’d move him – per usual.

Jokes on me.

Less than a minute after he placed himself half on my chest and half on the head of my bed, I heard The Sound. You know what I’m talking about, moms and dads (and probably any human who’s ever had a tummy ache – except for me, who’s perfect *insert sassy emoji girl here*).

It’s the sound of explosion. It’s the noise of no return. It’s the hesitation to look reality in the face, because you know exactly what you’re going to see.

It was everywhere.

On my bed.

On my shirt.

Covering his legs.

The floor found some, too, as we made our way to the bathroom.

I can only imagine what it would have been like with a disposable diaper…

The trauma…

Yuckkkk!

(And so the morning prevailed…)

Cheeky, Jr. is half-ass potty training right now, so I took off his diaper, wiped down what I could, and threw him onto the pot. I was amazed that he still had something in him, but I was also excited to get the rest into the toilet instead of into another precious diaper.

Ha!

It was only 7:00 (AM, mind you – far too early for anyone to function at this capacity) by the time I had changed three poopy diapers, washed my sheets, changed my shirt three times, and gave my floor just a tiny bit of much-needed attention. You’d think I would have showered – but ain’t nobody got time for that when there’s a poop party, and you’re the special guest.

I decided that if we kept going at this rate, I’d be spraying off like 10 poopy diapers by 9:00 (am)

FYI: spraying off diapers is a special cloth diaper cleaning ritual – unless your baby has the bug, in which case it’s just annoying AF.

So in a frustrated state of exhaustion and disgust, I pulled out the crème de la crème of cloth diaper accessories, especially for a poopscapade such as this…

These gems are called biodegradable (and FLUSHABLE) LINERS, my friends!

How they work:

  1. Lay one of those bad boys in the diaper before you fasten it on your babe.
  2. When your darling nugget poops in the one-billllllllionth diaper of the day, the poop gets trapped on the liner instead of the diaper.
  3. Plop the poop-filled liner into the toilet (no effort required)
  4. Voila! The poop is gone, and you’re on to the next poopy dipe.

Cheeky, Jr. continued to surprise me with everything that could possibly come out of his stomach, and I continued to line those diapers.

Things I’m Thankful For

The stomach bug only lasting 24 hours, regardless of these wonderful liner creations, because changing poopy diapers is honestly just gross, no matter what you’re using.

That liners are truly the shits.

For when your baby has the shits.

The Moral

Have a baby who doesn’t poop.

If you can’t do the former, use cloth diapers, and then use liners when you don’t want to deal.

Until next time!

Ta-ta, baby-lovers.

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