New Year, Same Me

(originally written 1/4/2018)

Prelude

After throwing my pity party on the last post, life catapulted into a crazy amount of things to do and people to see (as is holiday tradition). During my usual thirstday night post date with you folks, however, I was lying in bed with my terribly sick bugaboo, checking his temperature about every 5 minutes. His fever was at a steady 102, and that was after the ibuprofen and Tylenol switch every two hours.

I was scared in a way I’ve never felt before. I knew, though, that waking him up to go to urgent care, just for the likelihood they’d tell me he had a virus and to keep him hydrated, was a waste of time.

I rode it out. I passed the five minutes I wasn’t checking Cheeky, Jr’s temperature writing what was meant to be my next, per-usual, follow-up Karma post. My website host thingy majig doesn’t provide a free app (of course), so I typed out the post on my notes app and decided to post in the morning.

That was, what? Two weeks ago? Three, maybe?

Like I said – life. Not to mention life with a sick, clingy, super sad baby (gah, so sad).

Needless to say, getting on my computer was the last thing on my mind… and then more life happened… and then, well, you get it. I haven’t had the time to post until now, so that’s what I’m doing!

So here’s my last post – two (or three) weeks late.

(Ok, get to it, Momma Cheeks, shit)

Ok Enjoy!

That, too, Passed (written 12/14/2017)

KARMA IS MY RIGHT HAND LADY. I don’t know if I’ve said it enough by now. Not sure if you’ve gotten the gist with every post-post-post (it makes sense if you think about it… you can do it… come on… there it is!)

She worked her magic, yet again, after a negativity post, and hooked me up with a real nice Hair of the Dog yesterday during my “pity-party hangover,” if you will.

Generally I label karma as a bit of a bitch, but she’s been great at shifting my perspective when I need it. So today? Today she’s beautiful. Probably still a bitch, but a beautiful bitch at that, and I am 100% thankful she exists. Moreover, I’m thankful I can actually recognize her when she shows herself (who knows someone in their life who will stare Karma right in the face and won’t even know the gift they’ve been given?).

I encountered an unusual amount of situations yesterday and today. It was an accumulation of little answers to my hesitations and wonders of “success,” and now I’m going to share these moments with you because they are quite wonderful. At least they’re wonderful to me, and that’s really all that matters because this is my blog post (not yours), so there.

Back to my unusual amount of Karma encounters:

Unusual encounter number one. A podcast episode started my day – a podcast I’d never listened to, but thought “what the heck?” Without knowing it would probably change my world (The Shameless Mom podcast, if you’re curious). The two ladies on the episode focused on how to establish more positivity, happiness, and satisfaction in life. This brought about the following lesson:

By calling myself a failure, I’m triggering my brain to say, “yeah, girl, you do suck! Keep failing because you’re not good at anything and you’ll never be good at anything, ever. So give up, ya pansy.”

Even jokingly putting ourselves down creates a belief that we are no better than our terrible, mean joke (I thinks a lot of us are guilty of doing this… Guess I know what next week’s goal will be).

Unusual encounter(s) number two. The past two days have provided me with multiple small wins in Cheeky Things’ diaper service. Whether the wins become legitimate business break-throughs really doesn’t matter here, because the people who helped with those wins proved there are beyond awesome people in this world. Like… amazing, selfless, beautiful, caring people really DO exist – and it’s just a matter of surrounding ourselves with those people. Surrounding ourselves with great people is what really makes a difference in how we view ourselves, too (never mind what those dumb people out there think of us.. like, who cares, right?).

Unusual encounter number three. Last night I was presented with a GREAT night full of strangers – majority of whom were three times my age. I went to an organization’s Christmas dinner with Papa Cheeks and his parents, which I honestly thought was going to be dull (but got me out of the house and a night with Papa Cheeks, so I said “what the heck?” and went. – ever just say “what the heck?” and see where life takes you? Highly recommended).

The tidbits of stories I gathered – the successes and failures and ways in which they got to the places they were in life – it was inspiring and reassuring, to say the least. You want to know what life is? Talk to someone nearing the end of it. Incredible.

What I’ve learned

Affirmation is an everyday necessity, especially when we have goals to personally improve.

Friends we spend time with reflect who we are, so if we want to be amazing we must surround ourselves with amazing people. EASY AS THAT!

… But it’s really not.

… But knowing this is a step in the right direction. So evaluate the people in your life – and then (figuratively) CHOP those fuckers that don’t match with your values, goals, or missions in life.

Most importantly, probably:

As I lie here in bed with my sick baby tonight, I realize everything I’ve been doing has been almost entirely intentional.

Completely screwing up one of the best job opportunities I’ve been presented in. my. Life. with a reeeeeaalllll shitstorm of an interview, for example? Honestly probably more intentional than I thought at the time.

Not working “full time” because that would mean more time away from Cheeky, Jr. and also less time to work on Cheeky Things? Intentional.

Creating a business where I will eventually control the hours (and everything else), and botching anything that stands in the way of that goal? Fucking intentional.

You get it!

I’m reminded the priorities I’ve set may not credit financial freedom RIGHT NOW, but they do credit unconditional love and the ability to stay home with my little guy when he’s running a 104 fever.

A lot of parents aren’t that lucky. I know my mom wasn’t that lucky… there was a time I had strep and she had to leave me home alone, with my neighbors peeking in and out throughout the day, because she couldn’t miss another day of work.

I don’t doubt the nurse at school knew my mom’s number by heart, either, because I was in her office every day claiming something was wrong with me, just in the off-chance my mom would pick me up and I’d be able to spend time with her.

As is Tradition

The moral of this story

  1. Karma is probably one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world and I’m glad she’s a bitch and also super sweet when I need her to be. It’s like she reads my posts and says, “nuh uh girl, that’s just not right,” and then she comes in and corrects my behavior by any means necessary. FREAKING DOLL.
  2. Although life isn’t the easiest, and I do feel like an absolute failure sometimes, the choices I’ve made have allowed me to be the person my son cuddles when he’s not feeling well, rather than having to find a babysitter last minute (or beg the daycare to keep him even though he’s running a fever) – just because I’ve already run out of sick days.
  3. I AM THE LUCKIEST (here’s where you reference the last post and comment how fucking bat-shit crazy I am because I can’t make myself feel any type of steady emotion, ever). With help from Papa Cheeks and my mom, I can do these things. Sure, there’s more struggle and stress, but how can one truly understand the beauty of this world without also understanding the ruggedness?

(end of last post ever written by Momma Cheeks in 2017)

———-

So, there it is.

After this almost-post (and now actual post), a lot of other wonderful things have happened. They’ve happened intermittently with some shitty things, but they’ve been PRETTY wonderful.

Like, to the point where I’m actually scared life is too good to be true (anyone else have those feels sometimes? Like it’s so good, Karma’s bitch-side will come swooping in at any moment and balance that amazingness real quick and turn life super shitty somehow? Wah wahhhhhhhhhh)

(Life is good, Momma Cheeks, just let it be good!)

Thanks, reader, who is actually just my stream of consciousness, I appreciate the reality check.

(You’re welcome)

And as Porky Pig once said… (in, like, every episode of Looney Toons)

Tha… Tha… That’s all, Folks!

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